I didn’t know exactly how I wanted to raise my kids after I got married and we talked about starting a family, I just knew how I didn’t want to raise them. But boy did I not know what I was getting myself into until our first started talking back and saying “no”!
Seth and I agreed that we wanted to be super conscious about our parenting. We understood how we, being their parents, had a huge influence about how they ‘turned’ out and how they shaped their self esteem, how they would take defeat, etc.
Not until our oldest was about 2 1/2 almost 3, my biggest fear started showing up. It showed up and I would take it out on myself. I went to bed a lot beating myself up mentally because of this, this, and that that I did do or didn’t do during the day with my kids. I would feel guilty. I would feel like the worst mom and that my kids weren’t going to grow up feeling loved, valued, appreciated.
My biggest fear was that I was going to ruin my kids!
I was too involved in looking at pinterest and all the ‘1,000 Ways To Be A Fun Mom’. I would compare what I did with my son daily and it didn’t match up to everyone else around me that would take daily walks or weekly trips to museums. I didn’t go through the ABC’s a thousand times in the morning. I felt like a failure of a mom.
As he got older and a little sister came along, I felt like I was becoming worse. My son was getting older and wiser about talking to momma and mommy was not becoming wiser and talking less nicely. There were more “don’t do that’s” and “no’s”, then hugs, kisses, and “yes’s”. It ate at me and I’m sure, well I know, I was being harder on myself than was probably true. But it took a toll on me personally. I hated who I was as a mom. I was exactly who I DIDN’T want to be as a mom, I was doing all the things WAY TO OFTEN, that I knew I wanted to try hard to not do.
I quit looking at pinterest so much for “fun ideas” and tried to just get on their level more and be more interactive. I wasn’t always the most “hands on” mom.
Fast forward a few years and my oldest is now 5 1/2, my girl is 3 1/2 and we added another little guy who just turned one. At the beginning of this year is when I dove head first in wanting to change the way life was going. (It wasn’t horrible by any means) I just knew I was missing something. I knew I could feel more free and not trapped by thinking I was the worst mom to walk the face of the earth. I didn’t like how I felt about myself because of it. I wanted my kids to FEEL and KNOW that I loved them and not just because I randomly tell them throughout the day.
I learned something that made massive sense, but I had never even considered it or thought it.
How I treated my children was a reflection on how I felt about myself. Say Whaaa?! My own insecurities came out on how I reacted to things and showed love and discipline to them.
Then I started REALLY feeling bad, because I had also come to the realization that I did not think of myself very highly or treat myself how I would even want others to treat me. That added a whole new aspect of my biggest fear but at the same time made me want to get rid of all the lies I would tell myself. I didn’t want to be prisoner or victim to my own negative thoughts and I definitely did not want my kids to feel that or LEARN that from me.
I was hanging out with a friend/mentor and I was expressing how it stressed me out to the MAX thinking about all the emotional things I was doing wrong with my kids and how I was ruining them and the thoughts they had about themselves and on and on. She said to me, “You’re kids were already ruined by coming to this earth. And plus, there is always Simply Healed.” (The sessions I started doing beginning of this year to release and re-write the lies and negative thoughts I had told myself all growing up. I laughed, but it’s so true. Our children were perfect before they came to this earth and received a body. JUST by them doing that, they were “ruined”. It does me NO GOOD, by stressing over that daily. It does my self esteem and how I view myself no good at all. Plus, there are ways to release the emotional trauma that we go through 😉
Just her saying that one sentence totally changed my perspective and it was one that really needed to be changed. Instead of just loving on my kids and teaching them by following inspiration, I was sooo worried that I was ruining them, that I wasn’t loving, I wasn’t opening up myself to listen and parent according to what my children’s needs were at that time. And in turn, I was just punching myself further into the negative mental and emotional cycles without even being aware of it.
The more and more I release and do those things I need to to learn and increase my self love, the more I notice I’m able to be more “free”. I’m able to go with the flow of life and being a mom. “Mom” is my number one right now while my kiddies are young and at home. The more that I have focused on them FIRST and then got to what I needed to do, the better each day goes for me and them. The more I get down on their level and play what THEY want to play and do what they want to do, the more I learn to love myself I am able to love them in return more fully.
But let’s be real. Not every day is perfect. Some days are still pretty bad on my part. I’m still learning to choose my emotions and not let them get the best. There are still disagreements and sobbing over what mom is making for dinner. There are still alligator tears when they don’t get what they want. But I’m learning and growing. Learning and growing right along side of them. There are more awesome days then there used to be. More laughs and giggles. More forgiveness and love.
More love that stemmed from learning to love myself first.
I haven’t always purposefully done things to “stay healthy”. I don’t think it ever really occurred to me that I wasn’t as healthy as I could be. Somewhere along the line, I think I just took hold with a strong grip that what I was dealt, I was dealt and I just had to endure through life what that may be. It may stem from my thoughts of myself as not being very smart growing up and so I didn’t care to really delve into learning or really try to retain what I was being taught either.
Sure I took all the required health classes growing up and was always active but to me that is just what I enjoyed. I loved playing sports and being active so I didn’t ever really have ‘non-activity’ feelings to compare it to. After high school, I continued to play any intramural sport at college that I could and I always ate whatever I wanted to and LIVED off of sweets. Swedish fish and milk duds were top of the list. I chose to major in Physical Education and Coaching but still through most of that I never consciously tried to understand what it REALLY meant to be healthy. Half way through college, my older sister was in school to become a trainer and tried to help me understand the importance of eating healthy, but to me, it was too much thought and work to put into eating. All I knew is that it was good to be active and it will keep you healthier than if you didn’t.
After marrying my husband, I learned that he was a pretty conscious ‘health nut’. I remember the first time he suggested that we try and eat healthier. I was so offended! Haha. What, my cooking wasn’t healthy?! I decided to humor him and go along with his craziness. I started to slowly get what he was talking about but still thought it was too much effort to consistently try so hard at it.
THEN there was talk of oils. Essential oils. One night I started feeling the most severe stomach pain and was puking my guts out. I begged for him to take me to the doctor. It was one in the morning. He called his mom and then pulled out this shoe box, inside were a bunch of random sized amber colored glass bottles. He opened one up and told me he was going to rub some oil on my belly. I was ticked! Haha. Here I was in extreme pain (okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit) and couldn’t keep anything down and he wanted to rub OIL on my stomach.
“Are you freaking kidding me?!”
Needless to say, I think I was so mad that he didn’t take me to the doctor that I couldn’t tell you if the oil did anything or not. I can’t even remember what it was he put on me. At this point all I could tell you was that I married a crazy man who ate ‘healthier’ and used oils for who knows what and started to talk about how I needed to control my own thoughts because what I thought is what I attracted.
“Alright, now my husband has officially lost his marbles.”
Like I started off with, I didn’t ever think that you needed to add anything extra into your body. What you were born with is what you got. Taking prenatal vitamins for my first pregnancy was a struggle. It was ‘too much effort’ to remember to take anything extra than the meals I was eating daily. I know, I know.
The next few years went on and I slowly, bit by bit started incorporating more healthy choices into my diet. Once again, it was when I joined Iron Rhino, an online fitness program, that I REALLY understood eating healthy and WHY it was so important. I joined about six months after having our second baby and was desperate for change. I was dealing with postpartum depression and just knew something was missing. Along with having 60 extra pounds to lose after that pregnancy, I was ready for change. When I joined, I dove in head first. I stuck to exactly what the trainer told me to do and it. was. awesome. I started to understand and feel the effect that unhealthy food choices had on me. How tired and sluggish I felt. I started to love this extra energy and enthusiasm I had for life by working out every day and eating 80-90% ‘clean’.
During the later part of that first year joining is where I really started to learn the power of our minds. I started to learn mental strength and talking about myself positively. Within that same time frame I met a girl that lived near me that I will forever be grateful for. She helped me understand our spirits and how powerful we as human beings are and instilled in me the love of wanting to help others learn the same. I started releasing blocks, for instance like thinking I wasn’t smart. I started understanding that I had value, I had worth and a purpose and that our bodies are something that we take care of and PUT IN healthy things to continue to be healthy. Our bodies are to be nourished. The bad taken out, the good put in.
I was also ‘re-introduced’ to oils by my older sister. I started to ‘get it’ and used them often. I was fully overwhelmed though by ALL the different options. Things kind of faded out with really trying to understand. I only used them if I remembered to or had something that needed some help physically.
Fast forward another few years and our family relocated four hours south of where we were living, and I was helping put together a health and fitness eBook. During this process, is where my sister and I really started learning about the power of our thoughts and minds. Also my husband, would ‘coach’ me along the way. He is an entrepreneur that totally gets all of this and has helped me to understand it but also help others understand it in simple terms.
During the beginning of launching said eBook, I started doing session calls to release negative emotion that I was holding on to and this is where I started to REALLY understand the power and NEED to love ourselves FIRST. We can’t give what we don’t have ourselves. I believe love is the most powerful thing and if we can learn to love ourselves, imagine the possibilities. Imagine the freeing feeling. No shame. No guilt.
Then it all started to kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. God has given us all these amazing tools to help us. To help us be healthy and learn to love ourselves. I started eating healthy and working out BECAUSE I loved myself. Not only because I wanted energy to keep up with my kids, etc. I started learning and understanding the power of essential oils not only as helping when I had a ‘problem’ but using them daily to support my health and emotions and being able to know exactly what was going on and in my body. I was on an awesome kick for a while and then went out of town and my routine fell to the wayside. I came back home and felt like I had been run over. I craved my routine, I craved my oils.
I realized that one of my blocks was that I didn’t feel worthy of any extra health benefits and that’s why I didn’t take the time to do it or understand it. I didn’t feel loved. I didn’t love myself. I wasn’t even AWARE that I didn’t feel worthy of care or that I truly did not love myself or my body.
Then I learned a step further. Our bodies will tell us what our bodies need. We can be so aware and in tune with our bodies that we know what we personally need to do exercise and health wise. I was stuck on the idea that you had to stick to one regimen to achieve a desired outcome. What I came to know is that, exercise should be fun. Period. That’s my number one and by doing this number two, I believe it will always be fun and something you enjoy. Number two is to listen to your body. If you want to run, go run. If you feel the need to lift. Go lift. Yoga? Go yoga it! Whatever your body needs, do it! You need exercise. It’s all about feeling healthy, strong, having energy, and feeling ALIVE!
The same goes for eating. Once you become aware and in tune with your body. You will feel what eating different foods does to you. Following an eating plan is great. It gives you a foundation, but also know that each of our bodies were created individually. So LISTEN to that individuality and do what is healthy for YOU and your body.
It has been SUCH a blessing and am thankful every day for the things that I am learning and have been introduced to to help me continually learn to love myself and all the different ways that I can fuel that love for myself.
This is our mission, this is our goal and hope that we can help others learn to truly love themselves and learn HOW to fuel that love because you ARE worth it. You DESERVE all the joy, health, love, and happiness that you desire and even more that you don’t even know is possible to have! We were created to have joy. We were created to love. So let’s start by creating YOUR love. Cozy up and learn with us as we share what we have found fuels your own love.