I’ve been thinking about distractions a lot lately. Specifically personal distractions. I myself have found that I tend to get in that space quite easily when I’m working towards a specific goal or finishing a project or wanting to get to the root of a personal issue.
I’ve been trying to understand and fill a space that has felt a little void or off for the last few months and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Until tonight.
I have been trying to work so hard on letting go of false beliefs, having personal sessions to up my energy and make sure I’m connected to all the lighter things in my life. Yet, I wasn’t completely feeling like ‘me’.
I’ve gone this merri-go-round before when it came to me and pursuing my path and being able to use my gifts to create something I was passionate about and that could serve others in my highest way. I created A LOT of distractions. I delved into a few different things, dipping my toes in the water and feeling it out. Staying longer in some places than others but always coming to the same conclusion… ‘Nope, not quite it. That was a created distraction. Purposeful and lessons learned but yes some kind of distraction.
I found myself on the same merri-go-round with my personal being lately. I was bouncing around trying to learn of an understand different parts of me on a deeper level, yet never quite feeling like, ‘yep this is it’. Now, I understand that we are always evolving and growing and changing. This specific merri-go-round ride, I was allowing a piece of me to be left by the wayside. And I wasn’t able to see it until I focused on trying to understand WHAT had changed. Where did I need to place my awareness?
I started combing through old posts and pictures. I started tuning into that part of me back then and thats when it hit me. I was focusing SO much on learning and understanding these new parts of me, that the other parts weren’t getting nurtured and used. I had completely departed from them.
It was amazing the awareness though because I could FEEL that part of me and how abandoned it had felt. It was just sitting there waiting to be rediscovered and played with again. It was kinda painful and at the same time it gave my heart a new little beat. Almost saying, ‘You see her again!’
I had totally gone away from my ‘silly side’. The side that would post whatever and not care. The side of me that would have dance parties alone or in my kitchen. The side of me that was care free and goofy.
Also the side of me that would share day to day lessons learned and little insights here and there. Inspiration in the moment.
Then I started to back track to find out WHAT had happened and WHY. The deeper and deeper I went and asked questions, I came to this….
All these different fears surrounding the part of me that I found surfaced.
‘Fear of feeling like I had to ‘prove’ myself. Fear that I had to be an ‘adult’. Fear that I was ‘wasting time. Fear of offending people. Fear of sharing what I’m learning. Fear of sharing my true thoughts and feelings for everyone to read. Fear that people will stop ‘liking’ me. Fear that they WONT like the REAL me.
Fear that I could actually be ALL of what I wanted to be.
I was closing up and off from THAT side of me what I had while discovering other parts of me. I let fear take over.
How many of us create distractions in our own lives because of fear? What fears hold us back from moving forward in different parts of our lives. How many of those fears are actually REAL? Rarely any of them. They’re legitimate feelings, yes. Yet the reality of them, no. They’re all false perceptions that we’re projecting out into our world. Our ego takes hold of those and goes cray cray. Distracting you from actually being and LIVING YOU.
All because of these FALSE lies we are telling ourselves and actually believing! They paralyze us. They keep us on the merri-go-round. They keep us frustrated. They keep us from being free to BE.
I don’t know about you but merri-go-rounds make me nauseous and feel like I wanna puke. So I’m gonna jump off this one. Feel free to grab my hand and come with 😉